DEEPEST CONTRITION ; UNTOLD.

The sting in my joints was a painful reminder of how unfit I was. I, however, couldn't stop running. 

I was clutching to the bag in my arms as if my whole life depended on it. Heck, my entire life depended on it. 

I'd finally clear off all my debt, fly off to God knows where; and start over, with a new identity. 

Something whizzed past my ear; and before I could process what it was, something tore through my left arm. I fell with a thud, landing on tarmac and partially in muck. 

No! Get up! 

Something in my head exclaimed. 

I rose with the might of a thousand waves in the sea and jolted forward, for my life. My family. My peace.

For the beginning of a life I never knew I'd ever get to live, except in my dreams. 

For the beginning of a comfort I fantasized about in the depths of my depression - induced stupor. 

For the pride my family lost.

This moment changed everything. 

Only for a moment.

As I saw my life flash before my own eyes. 

I was down on my knees again. I don't remember which pang came first. Pain or regret? 

**************************************************************

Look at them, judging me and missing the most important point. 

They couldn't look me in the eye without contorting their faces in utter disgust. 

With every frown on their faces my heart broke a little more.

Because they knew what I had been through. Nothing went right for me. No job, failed businesses, repossession of my property- list is endless.

They knew what we went through as well. Watching us fall from stinking rich to dirt poor, losing our friends and losing ourselves - our peace, our sanity.

Funny thing is, if I hadn't been caught, none of them would've turned down the life I was going to give them.

"You've never stolen anything in your life; what made you think you'd get away with robbing a bank ?"  she spat at me, the pain in her eyes disguised by disappointment and disgust.

Didn't she know? 

Didn't she know that nothing surpasses the faith of a woman trying to wipe off the pain tormenting her loved ones ? 

Wasn't she one to know? 

Why couldn't she understand me? 

Amidst all the eyes boring into my face and back; 

Amidst the hushed whispers; and the two women leading me out of court; hands cuffed, face and pride fallen; I felt alone. 

More than I ever did in my entire life. 

And I swore, bitterly; from that day henceforth, I would always come first. 

***************************************************************

~ When I die, bury me standing, because I've spent most of my life on my knees. 

            - Paulo Coelho.